New Years Resolution

Why should I have another resolution to fuck up?

Actually last year's resolution and the year before worked quite well. in 2004 i decided to learn as much as possible, put 2003 behind me(I started the year with a disasturously hurt heart and angry heart) and just enjoy life. To a certain extent it was good.. 2004 was the first time I traveled abroad, and on my own. And learnt a lot about friendships and expectations. I picked up what is now one of the loves of my life, scuba diving, and started a penchant for dancing and philipino men.

This year was another crazy roller coaster. Travelling became my first priority, and I learnt more about socialising and making conversation. I don't enjoy clubbing as much as I enjoy wine and conversation, and I forgot how to dance. I cant think of any other skill I learnt other than making new friends with travellers.

I got my heart stomped on in the beginning of the year - and again, six months later. Both by guys I wouldnt have usually gone out with.

Mark was obviously the biggest hurt of my life. I cannot imagine liking another person and getting along so well. Its like I just don't wanna be without him again. U know that corny song with the lyrics -"i'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else"? Well, that exactly how I feel.

Maybe a few years from now I will look back and scoff at me and realise that Mark wasn't all that after all. But right now, I just don't have eyes for anyone else. And its not for the lack of trying. I've gone out, flirted with other guys, some I'm attracted to, but somehoe the feeling is not the same anymore. I never thought I could feel as comfortable with someone as I did with Mark and I am looking for a feeling like that again. I'm such a hopeless sap it's tragic.

So this year, no resolutions. I have to get over him, somehow. Nadia think I should just accept the fact that i've "fallen in love" with the man and just makes things easier for me to get over, but I can't. And how is it easier?!?!

*sigh*

I can't believe another year's come and gone and things haven't changed for the better. Maybe its time I make a drastic move and quit my job and move to another country. Bet my parents will love it.